Have you ever sat and thought about what it truly means to be a human being?
As beings, we are composed of tiny cells, stuffed with organs and muscle, and carry this heavy garment called skin. Yet what makes us “be?” If you think about it our body is constantly “doing.” Blood is constantly traveling, skin is shedding, hair is growing, and the body moves up and down as air fills our lungs. The human body is never just “being,” but “doing” for the body is something natural, not forced … just a food for thought moment J
Recently, I have found myself discovering the difference between a “human being” and a “human doing.” We were created as human beings, but I found myself stuck in a series of unfortunate events where I got caught up in doing rather than being. It’s crazy to think that even though we are naturally created to just be, we get so caught up in doing.
I am going to be 100% transparent in this post, so I hope you take what I have to say and really hear my heart on the matter...
Over the course of my life, I have been heavily involved in serving at the church in various areas of ministry. It started when I was a kid, serving on the worship team in kids church. Continuing to youth group, I served on the worship team, was a student leader and later an adult leader, a mentor to girls, and part of the dance team. I was also a Junior Bible Quiz coach and was involved in a lot of behind the scenes work for conferences. As you can gather, I was very “doing” and rarely “being.” I would go to church, but never fully just be in a service where I was JUST receiving, I was always serving. Throughout time, my desire and heart to serve became clouded with doing serving instead of being a servant. Purely, my heart is to first serve God and then serve His people. However, serving became more about personal gain, when it was created to bring glory to God. I didn’t realize I was so lost in doing until this past summer...
Looking back over the last few years of my life, I am so thankful to God for the many opportunities He has blessed me with in ministry. I was fortunate to travel to Nashville and preach on purity and the single season, was offered a great opportunity at World Harvest Church and was able to serve in many ways at Victory Christian Center…but what was my TRUE motive? I do believe I was bringing glory to God in serving His people, but was I secretly seeking personal glory or advancement? Yes. I will admit it. In the back of my mind I was constantly thinking “if I serve here, I will go there” or “if this person sees me serving, maybe they will notice me and we will form a divine relationship.”
After realizing and admitting my true motives, with the help of Spirit filled leaders, I am in a place where I am JUST receiving and BEING. Instead of going to church and finding a place to serve, I walk in and find a place to sit, just sit and BE. It’s a weird place for me to be in since my being was so focused on doing. But to be honest, I find I am content and actually happy with where I am right now… I didn’t think I would be. (This is just another sign that I need to be in this season!)
For me “doing” wasn’t just focused around ministry, but also in my personal relationships. I found I was swimming in a pool of serving others and doing things to gain the eye of my peers… and boy is that a rough place. I became so confused on the difference of “being” and “doing” that, for me, my being became doing what was appealing to others. Through it I altered my identity, became broken, confused and tangled in a mess.
It’s now October, and since realizing all this, I am nowhere near the place I need to be, but I am getting there. I know God has called me into ministry, but I cannot fulfill the call without BEING first. I am growing and getting back to the place of being. Later, doing will come naturally with a pure heart and pure intentions. But for now, I choose to just be…
Psalms 51:10 -"Create in my a pure heart, O God, and renew Your right spirit within me."
